Communication Tips
October 2008
By Joan Craven
www.joancraven.com

Listening

“Among the many reasons why companies fail, there is one that managers rarely recognize: the failure to listen.” — Richard Bierck

Listening is just as important as talking in communication. Talking at people is a common affliction many have caught and they think they are communicating. How can you rid yourself of this dreaded disease? Start to practise good listening skills.

In Fierce Conversations, author Susan Scott says that there are signs to indicate when listening is needed. They include:

• Interrupting by talking over someone else
• Formulating your own response while someone is talking
• Responding quickly with little or no thought
• Attempting to be clever, competent, impressive, charming and so on
• Jumping in with advice before an issue has been clarified

If you see that your own interactions have deteriorated, and you have acquired this bad communication habit here are some tactics. The first is to listen to yourself and your self-talk and score yourself on your listening skills. You might be unpleasantly surprised.

You don’t have time to listen? Do you have time to fix a misunderstanding or a broken relationship? Get it right the first time by carefully listening and trying to understand every part of the message the other person is giving.

Listening isn’t just about hearing. First, face the speaker when he or she talks and clear your mind. You might have to move to a place with fewer distractions. Don’t give quick solutions; most times people can solve their own problems, if you just listen.

Reflect back what they are saying. “You are angry because Joan took over the job and you thought you were doing it right.” Intervene with wishes rather than reasoning. “You wish Joan would ask you if you wanted help.”

Ask clarifying questions. “Let me see. You said that ….Is that right?” Paying attention to what isn’t being said is important and giving regular feedback like “um hum, oh, I see,” is important. Maintain eye contact, just not maniacal eye contact so the other person feels threatened.

As you implement some of these tactics, you will find that your speakers can solve most of their issues themselves, if you just take time to listen. You will also find there will be fewer conflicts and you might even find there is more time in your day.

I want to hear from you. Have you had an interesting experience with listening that you would like to share? I’d love to hear.

Joan Craven offers workshops and seminars on a variety of communication topics including Listen Up.
She can be reached at joancraven@shaw.ca or (403) 286-7721 or
toll free 1-888 -376-4386 (US and Canada).