Communication Tips
Summer 2008
By Joan Craven
www.joancraven.com
Negativity
"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." — Denis Waitley
Negativity in the workplace is poisonous to the company and to you. It causes stress, anger, frustration and loss of energy. While we can’t control those around us, we can control ourselves and our own thoughts and actions. Say, ‘I will not let this negative person or situation makes me negative.’
Here are some tips:
- Give yourself a spring tune-up – check your own attitude. If you expect the worst, it will happen. Tell yourself that ‘you are the boss of yourself’ and from now on you will only have productive and happy days.
- Rid yourself of drastic words. Do not say ‘always’ ‘never’ ‘terrible’ horrible’ nobody’ ‘everyone’. Listen to your self-talk and if you hear yourself say one of those words, stop and rephrase with ‘Is this true?’ ‘What is true?’
- Next time the constant complainers begin, listen for 30 seconds and then say ‘so tell me about something good that has happened to you in the last 24 hours.’ Stop talking and look them in the eye as a way to help them refocus their conversation. If they persist in negative talk, say ‘I’m sorry you are having such a bad day’ and walk away.
- If a co-worker begins to gossip, say ‘I’m not comfortable talking about Tom when he is not here. Let’s find him so he can explain his actions.’ This usually shuts it right down. If the person persists, say ‘I don’t talk about people when they are not in the room,’ and walk away.
- Give yourself permission to use the 10-10-10 rule to focus on what’s right with your world instead of what’s wrong. Ask yourself ‘will this matter in ten minutes, ten days or ten weeks?’ if it won’t, forget it. Take your hand and brush off both your shoulders and say ‘now it is gone.’ By actually doing this physical motion, you will more easily put it out of your mind and focus on what is important - good health, peace of mind and your family.
- Be kind to yourself. Forgive your mistakes, don’t second guess your decisions as look for the good in your day. Ask yourself, ‘so what good happened to me today?’ and write it down.
- Find a photo or picture that relaxes you and post it. It might be a beach, a holiday cabin, or a loved one. When you are upset or angry, look at it focus on what’s important in the world. You will switch your mind to a happy place.
Surviving a negative workplace will make you wiser, more empathetic and more resilient. Remember, you are ‘the boss of yourself’ and only you can control how you feel.
Joan Craven offers workshops, seminars and personal coaching on various communication topics including bullying.
She can be reached at joancraven@shaw.ca or (403) 286-7721 or
toll free 1-888 -376-4386 (US and Canada).