Communication Tips
January 2009
By Joan Craven
www.joancraven.com

Self Talk

The way you talk to yourself will be one of the indicators as to how well you communicate with others, especially those you consider difficult. Self talk often determines whether you become upset and miserable or cheery and optimistic.

Begin today to listen carefully to what you are saying to… you! When someone says something unkind or upsetting to you, do you immediately think you are going to have another bad day? Or do you wonder what is going on with that person today, or think he or she just wants everyone as unhappy as they are?

Often after a particularly unpleasant experience, I simply brush off one shoulder, then I brush off my other shoulder, and say to myself “Be gone!” After these simple actions, I feel better. Before you dismiss this technique, try it... You may be surprised at the result.

If you are able to `reframe,’ or change your negative self talk and thoughts to positive ones, I believe you will begin to have much better days. While some of you say “I can’t do that,” let me tell you, if you want to maintain your health and your sanity in 2009 you can. So begin reframing today.

When one of your least favourite people walks into your office/life, instead of thinking that your day is ruined, reframe with thoughts like “I wonder what I’ll learn from this person today.” or “Thank heavens I don’t feel the way this person does.” If you really think about it, I suspect you have learned something from this person, even if it is only how not to act!

It is important to forget the past and focus on what is happening right now, and where you plan to be in the future. Just because you’ve had a bad experience with someone in the past, why expect it again?

Things can change and you can assist in that process. When a grumpy or unhappy person starts to complain, listen for a short time, then politely interrupt and ask them what is good in their life. Remind them that while we can’t change how someone has treated us in the past, we can focus on what we have learned from this person or incident. Studies show that grumpy people are contagious. Help them reframe, so you don’t catch the grumps!

Begin today to listen to your self talk and reframe, reframe, reframe. Look upon life as an adventure, full of learning experiences, instead of a chore.

Joan Craven offers workshops, seminars and personal coaching on various communication topics including bullying.
She can be reached at joancraven@shaw.ca or (403) 286-7721 or
toll free 1-888 -376-4386 (US and Canada).