Communication Tips
April 2008
By Joan Craven
www.joancraven.com

Worry

“Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.” – Swedish Proverb

I once heard that if you didn’t worry you’d be a plant. While some of you might wish you were firmly rooted, just sitting in the sun with your only worry being whether or not someone would water you, the reality is, as a human, one emotion we all experience is worry.

Worry is good when it cautions us not to make risky investments during this time or a left turn into oncoming traffic. Worry causes us to look at alternatives, both bad and good, before making some major decisions.

Worry becomes problematic when we are immobilized, with it overtaking all aspects of our lives. Worry is a special form of fear. Forms of worry can be signs of conditions such as depression and anxiety disorder. For those conditions you need to seek medical care.

Fortunately, for many people, worry has simply become a habit. With a few techniques, you can break this pattern. First, listen to your self-talk. Recognize what you are saying to yourself and identify a pattern.

If, for instance, after you have had a meeting with your boss, you always beat yourself up about what you should have or could have said, decide what you CAN do before the meeting so there is less chance you’ll worry after. Make a plan. You might decide that you need to go in with some key points written down and a list so you don’t ramble or get sidetracked.

Once the meeting is over, listen to your self talk. If it is nasty, say “STOP! I did the best I could.” Then immediately focus on something that did go well. Get a book and write down one or two things that went well at the meeting. Each time a negative thought enters your mind, repeat “STOP! I did the best I could.” and look at what you have written.

What you are doing is reprogramming your brain to be more positive. Some psychologists recommend deliberately doing something to distract yourself the minute worry begins to ooze into your mind. Sing, whistle, snap your fingers or give worry a name like “Howard.” Then say to yourself “Get lost Howard!” and think about something positive. This takes practise.

Getting regular exercise every other day makes a huge difference because your focus changes. Find something you like to do such as ballroom dancing, walking, swimming or yoga and make a commitment to do it, even when you think you are too tired to try. Find an exercise accountability buddy to help keep you on track.

Connecting with other positive people and disconnecting from those who only talk doom and gloom can also further lead you to gaining control of your worry, rather than worry controlling you. Watch funny movies and TV shows or go to musical or sporting events, so your brain becomes engaged in something interesting and you have something to talk about besides doom and gloom. Stay away from too many newscasts or newspapers.

Take close examination of your self talk and commit today to communicate only in calm, positive ways. The minute you begin to let worry into your head, stop yourself and focus on what you can control. You are the boss of yourself, so boss that worry right out of your head!

Joan Craven offers workshops, seminars and personal coaching on various communication topics.
She can be reached at joancraven@shaw.ca or (403) 286-7721 or
toll free 1-888 -376-4386 (US and Canada).